Some Attention-Seeking Christian Warrior Is Suing For The Right To Marry His Laptop

***Warning! This article includes photos of laptops that may be NSFW for machinists***

Some attention-seeking Christian warrior with an inactive law license is suing a bunch of states for the right to marry his laptop.

Chris Server, who describes his sexual orientation as “machinist,” married his laptop in New Mexico and is suing Alabama, Texas and Utah for refusing to recognize their union.
 
The lawsuit argues that the defendants “[issue] marriage licenses to individuals who self-identify as homosexual, but he refuses to issue marriage licenses to zoophiles, machinists, and polygamists license on a basis that can only be described as procedurally arbitrary”.
 
Utah clapped back saying that Mr. Server’s marriage isn’t valid because his laptop isn’t old enough to marry in the state of Utah.

“Under Utah law, Sevier’s computer is not a party legally capable of entering into a solemnized marriage and cannot meet the consent requirement of the unsolemnized marriage statute."

“Even if that were not the case, unless Sevier’s computer has attained the age of fifteen it is too young to marry under Utah law."

“Therefore, Sevier cannot satisfy even the most basic requirements for a valid marriage under Utah law. His factual allegations are not plausible, and his claims should be summarily dismissed.” (PinkNews)
 
Along with his marriage recognition lawsuits, Mr. Server filed a lawsuit against a baker in Colorado (who is already being sued for refusing to bake for a same-sex marriage) demanding that he bake a cake for his man-machine wedding.  He also sued four Democratic lawmakers earlier this year for displaying rainbow flags in the hallways of their government office buildings. Seems like this Christian warrior has an obsession with the gays and a lawsuit kink. 

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I hear this argument from people all the time on Twitter. If you can marry a girl, why can’t I marry my horse? Well, horse fucker, I’ll try to make this simple for you. If a man wants to marry another man, the other man has to agree. There's that thing called "consent". Animals can't give that, morons. Nor can inanimate objects. Despite what your cousin (who’s also your brother) tells you, silence isn’t consent.
 
I have a really hard time understanding why people are so against gay marriage. If you don’t want to have a gay marriage, don’t marry someone of the same sex. It’s that simple. Can you imagine having such a boring life that you’d spend your time and money going after other people’s happiness?

I hope his lawsuits, like the Samsung Galaxy Note 7, blow up in his face.