The right-wing media is trying to make sense of the national tragedy that occurred in Las Vegas earlier this week. And by “make sense” I mean "blame anything and everything except for guns and/or the 62-year-old white guy who pulled the trigger. Below are just a few of the craziest explanations I have heard so far.
A former high school football coach who was sued by the ACLU in 1990 for forcing his students to pray. Dave claims divine intervention made the ACLU “back off” and settle the case. If divine intervention did play a part, then God has a great sense of humor because the court ordered Dave to stop leading religious activities and the school board had to pay a $18,000 settlement. Click here to read more about Dave Daubenmire
First video: Dave tells his listeners that “God killed those people” who died in Las Vegas.
Second video: Dave is having a hard time believing that it is possible for a 62-year old white man to kill 58 people under his own free will, so he theorizes that the shooter was being controlled by a mind control assassin program that Obama set up as part of his civilian military force that’s bankrolled by Soros.
Bryan Fischer is the director of Issue Analysis for Government and Public Policy for The American Family Association. Fischer really hates the gays, which is totally understandable since he also believes that the gays are responsible for Hitler and the Holocaust. He's also the guy who claimed that the gays stole the rainbow from God and God wants it back. Oh, he also blocked me on Twitter after I tweeted him a picture of my girlfriend and I sinning (She was just giving me a kiss on the cheek, get your head out of the gutter). Click here to learn more about Bryan Fischer
First video: Bryan believes the problem isn’t too many guns, it’s too few guns. Because if there had been somebody next door with a weapon, then maybe 58 people wouldn’t be dead. Well, considering the arsenal of weapons and cameras that the shooter had in his room, I’d say there would have been another death if someone had tried to take out the shooter with a pistol.
Second video: Bryan thinks leftists wants gun violence so they can push their politically correct agenda. Busted! The evil left knew America would be distracted by all the shooting coverage, so they decided to push through a bathroom bill requiring all men to pee sitting down. Oh wait, that was the Republicans who yesterday voted on a 20-week abortion ban.
Alex Jones is the king of conspiracy theorists! Be sure to put on your tinfoil hate before you watch the video below. Click here to learn more about Alex Jones
Pat Robertson is the founder of a Christian ultra-extremist terrorist group funded by TV telethons. Patty Boy considers himself to be God’s personal messenger and claims to be in direct contact with JHC. As my grandfather used to say, there's nothing wrong with a man who talks to God. But if he says that God talks back, get the hell out of the room. Click here to read more about Pat Robertson
Well done right-wing media, you have truly out-crazied yourself this time. But I would like to hear what you guys think. Which one of these nutbags should be the new mayor of Banana Land? Let me know in the comments below.